Shoopufed
by Talliya
Summary: Hojo tries a new tactic to make Super Soldiers that Zack doesn't approve of. But getting caught up in the plot drives him a little crazy. It becomes an event that Tidus will never forget.


Allusions to mpreg and cussing...

Pairings: Clack, kind of...

This was written for ForgottenHour.

:On with ze Show!:

Reno and Rude had been sitting outside the jail cell for hours, routinely checking in on the prisoner within. Zack Fair, SOLDIER First Class, Major of the ShinRa Army: What a fall to disgrace he had made. When joining SOLDIER they basically handed their lives and will over to the company, these two Turks knew this well. SOLDIER weren't allowed to think for themselves but Fair had gone out of his way, used every trick in the book, to save a friend. Cloud made it out, not even the Turks could find where he'd disappeared to. But Zack had been recaptured. The buckshot in his almost corpse removed and his body stitched back together. For a while there he'd looked like an old cloth with many patches because its sentimental value outweighed what it actually looked like, than a man. However as the Mako in his system caught up with the Cure's being used on him he slowly began to mold into a doll – re-stitched with a sewing machine. He'd have some of the scars forever, Mako or no, but it was his mind that had them all worried. Doll was a very good word for what he was, his mumbles and twitches in his apparent sleep were all he'd done since he was released from medical. Minus one little excursion which had landed him in the jail cell in which he now lay:

Zack had awoken in the infirmary the first thing on his mind was Cloud and making sure that the blonde was okay. He sat up with the man's name on his lips only to see Tseng and Rufus staring down at him. Zack panicked looking around the room quickly he assured himself that Cloud wasn't there. However he wasn't sure if that was supposed to calm him or cause him to fear for his friend. They could have simply put him in another room after all.

"Major Zack Fair, SOLDIER First Class, where is Lieutenant Cloud Strife, SOLDIER First Class?" Tseng's voice was devoid of feeling.

Zack blinked his relief in knowing that his best friend was safe running roughshod over his ability to comprehend his own situation, "I... don't know. But I'm glad he got away." This comment sent Rufus into a rage and he punched the Major in the face, said Major did nothing and simply took the beating. Anything, he would take any punishment or do any vile thing in order to keep Cloud safe. The spikey haired male meant the world to him and he wasn't going to allow ShinRa to mess with him.

"You! Why? Why would you do this to me?! WHY!" Rufus shouted at the barely patched up man.

"You don't know what Hojo was trying to do to him. Or you wouldn't be angry at me." Fair answered quietly.

"Of course I know what that sicko was doing! I told him too!" Rufus was too enraged by the treason to realize he'd just stepped on a very touchy land mine.

Zack froze; Tseng noticed this and very discretely tapped out a rhythm on his ear piece to let the other Turks know that they were needed. "You knew? You knew that that sick fuck was making it so that Cloud could become pregnant, that he was creating an enzyme that would make all of the Firsts want nothing more than to rape him senseless? That it was his new idea for creating super-soldiers? You knew that the enzyme he was making would eventually kill Sephiroth, Genesis and Angeal by cancelling out their Jenova cells completely, thereby subjecting them to the vast amounts of Mako already in their systems without a balancing force? You KNEW this?!"

Rufus had paled with every word, no he hadn't known that. That wasn't in any of the reports that Hojo had sent him or discussed with him in any way. Blinking slowly Rufus didn't have time to react before Zack exploded off the bed and wrapped his hands around his neck, shaking him harshly. "You knew?!"

Taking quick action Tseng hit the pressure point on Zack's neck that had him falling unconsciously to the floor. "Sir, are you alright?"

"I... I'm fine Tseng." Rufus wheezed out, "Call Rude and Reno to watch him. If he's okay to be cleared by medical I want him placed in a cell until we can get to the bottom of this." Tseng nodded and motioned the two Turks outside the room in. "And get me Hojo." Rufus' voice was deadly; no one messed with HIS soldiers.

Recalling how angry Rufus had been when they had entered the room Reno grinned. "I'd love ta know what's gonna happen to Hojo."

Rude grunted, having lifted the Major back on his medical bed after the incident and waiting while medical staff cleared him, then having to carry him all way down to the jail cells, Rude just hoped that the Major hadn't been lying.

As the Major twitched again Reno wondered aloud, "Wonder what he's dreaming about."

:Spira: :Spira: :Spira: :Spira: :Spira:

Zack had woken up choking, water washing over him as he lay in shallows with lily pads topped with beautiful purple flowers surrounding him. Standing he looked around, "How did I get to... Where am I?"

"Ish shu okay?" A short blue thing with a squished circle for a head and knobs on the sides with long draping arms, clothed only in a pair of pants, asked of him.

"Uuh, I'm good? Where am I?" Zack questioned back, /better yet/ he thought /what ARE you?/

"Dis ish ze Moonflow. Across ze water ish Guadosalam." The silly looking blue creature answered him.

"Oh, never heard of either. What are you?" Zack was on the defensive, he recalled attacking the president, and was starting to think that Rufus had had the doc's do something to him that was making him hallucinate this entire place.

"Hyne, I ish a Hypello. Dis ish Spira. Where ish shu from?" The strange creature's willingness to answer his absurd questions was however getting him to relax. Not panicking right now was probably a good thing.

"Spira? That's the name of this planet then? I'm from Gaea, Midgar to be exact. Hmmm, what is there to do around here?" Zack's natural curiosity was getting the better of him as he looked around at the calm water and the little lights that kept flitting in and out of it, dancing along the surface. He might as well have a good time whether it was real or not.

"Well, we play musik and ride ze Shoopuf." The Hypello answered.

"Shoopuf?" Zack looked as lost as he felt...and as lost as he probably was.

In response the Hypello moved one of its long arms to point down the road a ways where a huge creature could be seen standing patiently waiting for 'people' to get on it. "Ish how we cross ze Moonflow."

There were so many different types of beings there that Zack gave up caring what they were so he didn't bother asking, he'd never remember them all anyway. After a few seconds Zack moved out of the water and asked. "Do you think I could ride one?"

"Shure, just go shay shu want to ride ze Shoopuf. They'll let shu on." Hyne nodded his squished head.

Grinning Zack trotted over to where all of the people were waiting to get on the Shoopuf, bouncing in place once he hit the end of the line. They were currently in the process of letting people from the Guadosalam side disembark...but Zack was bored and couldn't wait to ride one of these huge creatures. So while the Hypello driver set out to turn the Shoopuf around his excitement got the better of him and he got out of line and found another Shoopuf that was resting off to the side of the 'station'. Getting a truly mischievous look on his handsome face Zack let out a whoop of pure joy and launched himself onto its back. Startled, the poor Shoopuf took off into the Moonflow with the Puppy laughing happily upon it.

:ShinRa: :ShinRa: :ShinRa: :ShinRa: :ShinRa:

Hearing the Major suddenly start snickering in his sleep Rude gestured for Reno to back him as he went into the cell to check on him. Finding said Major now on the floor with a huge shit-eating grin on his face Rude shook his head. There was no way he was lifting him up onto the bed again, the man was heavy! Rude exited the room and again resumed his post beside the door after determining that there was nothing seriously wrong.

Just then Tseng came down the hallway toward them. "How's the Major doing?"

"He hasn't woken up at all yet Boss. But he... well, damn yo. I just don't know WHAT to make of it." Reno scratched the back of his head in irritation. He really liked Zack, they were buddies and somehow Reno felt that they were losing the Major to some messed up insanity.

"Hmm, he should have been awake by now." Tseng's expression let on that he was worried about it, but there was also something bigger.

"What is it Director?" Rude probed.

"It seems the Major was correct. Luckily however the only SOLDIER to receive the enzyme so far was Major Fair. So there won't be deadly repercussions for the other three Firsts, and it seems that Hojo had created the enzyme before he made Lieutenant Strife capable of having children." Tseng heaved a sigh, "Sephiroth is currently taking care of Hojo for his insurrection on President Rufus' orders."

Both Turks winced, there was no doubt in their minds that Hojo would be very, very dead soon, you didn't mess around with the General's men.

"Hollander and Gast are working on reversing or eradicating the enzyme. We should have the Major up and running properly here soon. We are to bring him back up to the medical wing. General Hewley and Commander Rhaphsodos will watch over him from there." Tseng ordered.

The two Turks nodded and went it to take the unconscious giggling form of Major Fair back up to medical.

:Spira: :Spira: :Spira: :Spira: :Spira:

"Did you see that? Or am I going crazy?" Tidus turned to face Yuna and Rikku; they were currently on their way to Zanarkand to pay their respects to the Fayth, an annual thing for them since Sin's defeat and Tidus' ressurection.

"Some crazy guy taking off on a Shoopuf?" Rikku enquired with a wide-eyed expression.

"Yeah, that's what I saw too." Yuna blinked a few times.

"Huh, well, at least I'm not going crazy." Tidus responded putting his hands behind his head as they continued on.

:ShinRa: :ShinRa: :ShinRa: :ShinRa: :ShinRa:

Back in the medical bay Zack came too with a wide grin on his face. Blinking in the light of the overly bright room he made out the form of Angeal standing next to his head. "'Geal?" His voice was coarse from his out-right laughter while he was unconscious. "Dude, you should totally ride a Shoopuf, SO much fun."

"A... what?" Angeal looked down at his student concerned.

"...How long was I out? Where's Cloud?" Zack's mind finally kicked into gear and he sat up in the bed, his experience in the n'aether forgotten.

"You've been out for a few days Zack. Calm down, Strife is fine. He came back to HQ after the news broadcast saying Sephiroth had ended Hojo. Well, okay, it didn't say that Seph did it. But he did. You were rather creepy by the way. Laughing like a lunatic and that huge grin of yours plastered all over your face the whole time." Angeal chuckled, "Genesis couldn't stand being around you any more, you seriously gave him the creeps. So I've been watching over you by myself the last day or so."

Zack hung his head, he hated making people worry about him, especially Angeal. "I'm sorry 'Geal."

"It's alright Zack." Angeal put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You were the only one given the enzyme so far and Hollander and Gast have been working non-stop to get rid of it. They finally succeeded and here we are." He spread his arms to encompass their location as a smile spread across his face.

Zack smiled back at him. "So everything's going to be okay? Did I get Cloud out before Hojo could... you know..." Zack couldn't find the words to finish saying what he didn't even want to think about. "And how much trouble am I in now that I'm conscious? What's going to happen to Cloud?"

"Yes, you did. I'm very proud of you Zack." Angeal smiled down at him. "Don't worry about Cloud, he came back to make sure nothing happened to you know you."

"He's not the only one proud of you either SOLDIER." Sephiroth purported as he walked into the room a slight smile gracing his features. "What you did to get him out was worthy of Court Marshal and Disbatch, a huge sacrifice to you considering what being in SOLDIER means to you. But knowing why you did it exonerates you from those consequences, as well as Cloud. You should have seen him when he came back and found out we were afraid you'd gone crazy."

Angeal chuckled, "No kidding. He nearly killed Hollander and Gast, saying that if your mind was lost because of this he'd destroy us all. It was rather amusing. He's currently under house arrest.

"You are still my Major and if you're up for it, I have work for you to do." Sephiroth smiled down at him. "The first of which will be calming Strife."

Zack grinned weakly but saluted the General smartly. "Sir!"

"The doctor's said that he'd be fine to leave as soon as he woke up." Angeal stated. "Though don't push him to hard Seph, Cloud may kill us all if you do."

Sephiroth chuckled, he'd found it rather amusing that Cloud had come back so quickly once he knew Hojo wasn't there but Zack was. It was obvious to all of them that Hojo had only gotten the stupid idea because Zack and Cloud were in love with each other. Not that Cloud and Zack seemed to know that. "Of course Angeal, come on Puppy let's go."

:Spira: :Spira: :Spira: :Spira: :Spira:

While on the harnessed Shoopuf: Yuna, Tidus and Rikku watched as the lone man on the Shoopuf splashing through the water simply disappeared. The Shoopuf was so spooked by the sudden disappearance of the loud and bouncing body that it dove under the water and wasn't ever seen again. It became an amusing tale that Tidus would tell and no one ever got tired of it. He told it from different perspectives but always ended it the same way. "And the Shoopuf never came back!"


End file.
